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Fragile Pampas


My personal testimony

In the Summer of 2009 everything changed in my life. God changed me from the inside out by saving me. I grew up in a Christian home, going to church and doing all the right "christian" things. I would attend Summer youth camps at a local church and the year of 2008 said a prayer at the end of camp and thought I was saved. When a friend told me that he didn't think I was actually saved because my life didn't reflect that of a believers, I told him, "But I actually cried and asked Jesus to come into my heart" (Whatever that meant. I didn't even know myself at the time). The Summer of 2009 I felt very anxious and depressed. Even though most of my prayers, my whole life, were just rehearsed prayers, for the first time, I cried out to God for change.

At the end of the Summer in August, I attended the same youth camp that I had gone to the years prior. God already began work in my heart. I was desperate for change and for God's word to not come into one ear and out the other. I wanted it to stay in my heart and take root. (although I didn't word it like this at the time, I desperately wanted it.) If what I experienced the year prior, wasn't true salvation, then I wanted to know what true salvation was and how I could receive it.


We had groups that we were assigned to as well as a group leader. Every morning and throughout the day we would have devotional time all together and would say our prayer requests. Up until this point I wasn't very open about my life and was a bit shy, but I knew that I wanted to leave a transformed person from this camp and truly understand what Salvation was. I had no choice but to ask others to pray for me. So I pleaded with God to give me courage to open up and get over my shyness. God answered. Oh he answered mightily. I didn't care that my prayer request was the same each time just as long as it was answered. I asked them to pray for God's word to not go in one ear and out the other but to actually stay in me. They all prayed for me. 

Towards the end of the camp I started feeling a peace that I have never experienced before. I didn't think too much about it, but knew something was changing inside of me. All of the sermons, worship songs, and fellowship with other believers during camp were slowly taking root in my heart and transforming me from the inside out. During the last full day of camp, my cousin took me out for a chat during quiet time and asked me where I was in my walk with God. I told her in the middle. Sometimes I obey and try to do good and other times I just don't obey. I told her how every year after camp, I come back on an emotional high and want to live a good rule following life but it never lasts. I am like that for about a week and then i'm back to my old self. She then told me the truth, that changed everything. She said "you can't be in the middle. You're either all in Hot with God or you are all in Cold with Satan. You have to make a choice and be fully on the side you choose. She then said "you don't have to strive to do good and obey God's word because that'll never get you into heaven and you can't obey perfectly on your own. You need Christ to give you that power and strength. If you put your faith in Him and trust him to help you obey him and guide your life, he will. I was stunned. I didn't have to earn my way to heaven and a right standing before God? I just have to trust in him and he will produce the desire for me to want to follow him? And will also give me strength to obey him? Wow! That is a relief and I felt a huge burden fall off of my shoulders. But since in the past I would give my life to Jesus based on "emotions," I was hesitant to pray at the moment and give my life to Christ. I decided to wait until the end of camp to make that decision. 

The next day (last day of camp), we had our last church service and everything the pastor was saying, felt like it was directed at me. He was preaching on things that I had cried out to God about all Summer long before coming to camp. My prayers were being answered. I thought to myself maybe my group leader told him of my struggles and fears and he decided to preach on what people are struggling about. But as he kept preaching, I realized that he was preaching on things that I haven't even told my group counselor about, and things that I didn't even know how to express and talk to God about. The realization that it was actually God speaking to me directly, through his word, hit me like a wave that knocks someone off their feet. For the first time, God's word had come alive to me. Before it was just a reading that I had to mark off of my to-do-list, but now it was "alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; judging the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12.

I knew right away without a doubt that God was real and he would help me live a life pleasing to him. It was like a blind fold was lifted off my eyes and I could finally see clearly. I knew and had experienced at that moment, God's saving transforming power. This was salvation and God answered.

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